Damnit, Idol. We discussed this Thursday night thing and it throwing off my equilibrium last week. How dare you disrespect my equilibrium like that. After all its done for you! Also, you preempt Bones and I don't appreciate that.
THIS is American Idol... According to Seacrest anyway. According to me, its Americal Crapol. I'd rather watch American Pie than this, and I hate that movie. Did you hear me, Randy Jackson? I'd rather watch someone have sex with a pie than this and its all your fault.
Oooh, Ricky Braddy. But the judges have already decided who they're choosing anyway, I'm sure, and I'd be really surprised if Ricky was among them.
I'm not sure how this is gonna work tonight. Are they going to sing the same crap-ass songs that didn't get them into the top 12 in the first place or did they have to learn a whole new song in the last 24 hours? That's kind of harsh, but then again, pulling it off is the mark of a professional. Like if Clay Aiken was sitting in the audience right now and Ryan was like, "Dude, we need some filler. Will you sing?" Then he'd get up and sing the most beautiful rendition of 'Rainbow Connection' anybody’s ever heard.
Scott is sitting with the other Chosen Ones and has this expression like, “Where am I? Are we live? I can’t see the ‘On Air’ sign. Is DannyGokey still wearing that stupid smile that Patti described to me during a 6 hour phone call last night?”
Jesse is singing that “tell me something good“ song. I don’t like it, but her dad is all “WHOOOO!!” Randy calls it “just alright” and I agree with him even though we’re not speaking because of that whole Tatiana thing last night. Simon calls it indulgent which I totally agree. I call it boring, also. Jesse shamelessly flirts with Simon. Oh puke. Sit down.
Matt G. is wearing a stupid hat and scarf, but he‘s cute in his video package so it‘s okay. He’s singing a song I love called, ’Who’s Lovin’ You’. Kara thanks the real Matt for returning instead of the imposter Matt we had last week. Paula’s all like, “blah blah, don’t sing Coldplay ever again, cause this was awesome”. Simon calls it a billion times better than last week, but hates what Matt’s wearing. The scarf does kind of make him look like he’s got Malaria.
Arm Tattoo has a face of something from a Wax Museum. She’s singing that song I hate about a horse and a cherry tree.
JuleahFaye: the washing machine hip dance thing is BACK
roarimaraptor: and she didn't have the decency to cover that evil on her arm
JuleahFaye: SERIOUSLY
roarimaraptor: i'm so glad i'm not the one for her
Paula starts out by saying she looks beautiful tonight, which means she sucked vocally. But then she says it was a good choice for her, so I’m confused. Simon loves on her FOREVER and I‘m still confused. Maybe I should have paid attention to her actual singing instead of imagining up ways to get rid of the tattoo.
Von is singing ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’. He’s singing it like an annoying little kid whining. God, Von. I was neutral about you until just now.
JuleahFaye: he looks like a young frankie munez
JuleahFaye: where are your brothers, malcom?
roarimaraptor: ha!!!
roarimaraptor: HAHAHAHA!
roarimaraptor: he does!
JuleahFaye: i KNOW
JuleahFaye: he's almost a twin
JuleahFaye: what's that movie when he's the spy?
JuleahFaye: it's like frankie then
JuleahFaye: like he's going to bump into hillary duff and have an adventure
JuleahFaye: and they'll stumble through early sales success on their tween targetted albums and then fall in love on the big screen. but later one will have a dui and the other an eating disorder
Simon likes Von and Simon likes the song, but he did not like the coupling of Von and the song. Simon says he was too serious, but if he was acting silly like Nick, Simon would have told him to stop and act serious. So make up your mind, Simon Cowell, or I’ll make it up for you. Randy and Kara weren’t crazy about the song choice. Paula talks about the “technical part” of singing, which is the singing part of it, and that he didn’t do it so well. But underneath that he is a brilliant singer. Says Paula.
Kauly Jo: ps. i think von smith's downfall is not that he's too worried but that he sang a clay aiken cover of an elton john song, and let's be honest...even American Idol can only handle so much gay
Jasmine is next and she’s singing ‘Reflection’. Every season a girl tries to sing this song and is told it’s too big for her. This time is no different. Except they thought she was good compared to others.
Ricky is magnificently dressed in a white dress shirt (untucked), a grey vest, and a red tie. He’s also sporting a most splendid fauxhawk. He’s singing ‘Superstition’. It’s awesome. I’d gladly suffer from superstition if Ricky was the cure. Also, if we could listen to The Cure and watch the movie The Cure together. This is so awesome. It’s so awesome that stupid girls scream and it doesn’t even annoy me. The judges have mixed feelings towards it. I disapprove of their opinions.
Tatiana is like an infected limb that got cut off but keeps growing back so many times that you just want to light it on fire. I swear I will not go to the tour if she's there. Not even if Ricky, Adam, and Scott promised to join hands and play ring around the rosie with me. Her accent comes and goes in her video package. As Ryan introduces her, he’s on his knees with his hands together like he’s praying this will end someday soon. Oh no! She’s singing a song I like!! ‘Saving All My Love For You’. Having an affair with a married man and expecting him to actually leave his wife for you is just as stupid as the idea of Tatiana still being here. I hate that she can sing, cause she’s so clearly and completely bipolar. She yells “thank you” to Paula about 18 times and then babbles in a stupid half-accent that Kara calls her on. She pulls a Jorge and says that it’s because she gets excited and thinks in Spanish and it confuses her and that’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard. Simon tells her to stop singing this same song every week. Her and Simon argue over why she picked this song AGAIN and then Simon punches Randy in the face for subjecting us to this nonsense in the first place. Then for some reason Tatiana is on her knees and Ran tells her she can stay there and then realizes what he said and gets on his knees before she can follow through on what he accidentally implied.
I don’t get the whole Anoop thing. He’s singing ‘Premonition’. It’s the same thing as you remember him doing last time. The audience cheers forever. It was good, but not great. The judges go on and on and I don’t even know what they’re saying. Anoop gives props to Chapel Hill for reasons I don’t know.
Ryan calls Jasmine to the center of the stage. Randy tells her that she in the top 12. I have no opinion on that.
Ryan calls Ricky front and center. Kara breaks my heart and sends Ricky home.
Ryan calls Tatiana and Arm Tattoo to the stage….. Thank God. Arm Tattoo is in and Tatiana is not. Tatiana stands on the floor in front of where the judges sit with her head down like a 3 year old. Seriously, my 3 year old niece does this when she’s mad.
Ryan calls Jesse to the stage and she is not in the top 12.
Ryan calls Von down. Paula tells him he did not make it.
Now it’s down to Matt and Anoop. I know how I want this to go… but I also know how it’s going to go… omg! I was wrong!! Matt is in!!! MATT IS IN!!
Wait… then Simon drops the bomb that this year it will be a top 13 and Anoop is in… what? My head just exploded. Why don’t we just bring the whole 36 here and make it a top 36? Nothing against Anoop. He’s a good singer, but it’s not like he’s sooo good that you have to rewrite the entire format of the show to include him.
I was just about to write about how I wasn’t going to watch this show anymore… and then Ryan said Kelly Clarkson will be here LIVE NEXT WEEK! OMG!!!
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