roarimaraptor: sorry, the new kelly video was on tv and i had to go watch it and become a raging lesbian for a few minutes
roarimaraptor: she looks so pretty in that video
SpiegelMeister3: I cant look at her for too long otherwise i get feelings that i cant do anythign about
roarimaraptor: my lesbianism doesn't go that far
roarimaraptor: i just want to stare at her and maybe drink sodas together
Is anybody else concerned about the big change they're revealing on tonight's show? Unless it's giving Kanye West a beating for acting like what Chris Brown did wasn't a big deal or replacing Randy Jackson with Kelly Clarkson, I don't want to hear about it. You know it's going to be something that's going to piss me off. I like order and routine, Idol!! Stop making me twitchy!!
The contestants are lined up dramatically on the stairs as Ryan dramatically walks down the stairs and introduces this show I used to call American Idol.
As Ryan introduces the judges panel, Randy boos like an idiot because he’s an idiot.
The new rule is that the judges get a “save”. Meaning, that night Constantine was cut because he sucked ass… the judges could have saved his ass. I do think he should have gone further… but he didn’t. That’s not the way it worked out. This is stupid. If I voted, I wouldn’t vote anymore. I want a divorce, Idol!! You can keep the kids. Except Seacrest. I get him. I will take this court to make sure I get him. And you won’t even get weekends!!
Anyway, the Idols live in some kind of uber-mansion that contains a bowling alley. My bedroom is the size of a walk-in closet and these bastards get bowling alleys and basketball courts in their house.
Jackson 5 Medley. The girls can’t harmonize with each other, DannyGokey acts just like the douche you think he’d act like, and Scott stumbles around like a blind man, but otherwise they sound good as a group. Alexis and Michael have awesome solos at the end.
Remember when last night when I wasn’t so angry with this show? Remember how Ryan dressed as a smaller-than-life-sized Ken doll? Remember how we were not alone because Michael Sarver was there? And then Allison was awesome and boggled Paula‘s mind. Remember how Scott kept the faith even through his blindness? Remember how Jorge sang bad without actually singing ‘Bad’?
Sarver says that “working is the word” and I punch him in the face.
OMG! I forgot about Ford commercials!! The video has the Idols in giant form on the side of high rise buildings to the tune of ‘We Will Rock You’. It’s stupid.
Sarver is safe. Kelly Montana is safe.
Jasmine is called down to the center of the stage wearing a pink beach towel as a dress.
Other Matt is safe, says Ryan, even though I’m pretty sure there’s only one Matt.
Kris and Arm Tattoo are called to their feet. Ryan makes everyone think Kris is in the bottom 3, but he is not. It is Arm Tattoo… and then suddenly Jasmine is going home. Ryan makes her sing again so we can pretend that the judges might want to call in their Save.
Jasmine’s goodbye package is set to a Motley Crue cover of ‘Home Sweet Home’ done by Carrie Underwood. You know I love Motley Crue, covers, and Carrie Underwood. But this doesn’t redeem Idol tonight. It does not. Nice try.
The stage doors open and there’s Kanye West. He’s wearing denim wrapped in denim wrapped in denim covered in some more denim and underneath it all, he’s probably wearing a “support Chris Brown” t-shirt. I hate you and your stupid mechanical voice. Get off my stage. He’s worse than all the bad contestants put together. For reals, ya’ll.
JuleahFaye: this is like paying a rapist to play your 7 year old's birthday.
roarimaraptor: and then he promotes domestic violence too
roarimaraptor: over cake
JuleahFaye: listen bitches. snitches get stitches.
Listen people. If you go on a show hosted by the Osbournes and you let them blindfold you, then you have no one to blame but yourself when you remove the blindfold and find you’ve just tongue-kissed someone old enough to be your grandmother. I’m just sayin’.
Then Scott is safe. Alexis safe, even though you know at least half of the people who voted for her dialed the porn line number. You know it! Don’t deny you know it!! If you’re denying it, then you’re a guilty one!
Oh God, DannyGokey. As safe as he’ll ever be.
Anoop is in the bottom whatever. Adam, The Only Thing About This Show Worth Watching Anymore Next To Seacrest, is safe. Jorge is in the bottom two.
JuleahFaye: 10 bucks says in an hour america is criticized for disliking ethnic people.
roarimaraptor: yes
roarimaraptor: also, i will be called a lesbian unless i can figure out a way to properly explain my crush on clarkson
JuleahFaye: well that's unfair
JuleahFaye: you're a clarksbian at worst
Let me explain something about this. I’m totally into boys and not into chicks at all… but if I was like at a party or something and somebody suggested playing spin the bottle and I had to kiss Kelly Clarkson… I’d totally do it.
So she’s here!! She’s HERE!! She hugs Ryan, and then they talk about her album, and she says her new song is about Ryan, and then Ryan sings part of her new song, and then she sings her new song and it’s awesome. She looks good, she touches hands in the audience, her voice sounds a little tired, but she still sounds good. Kelly is like one of my most favorite people ever. I love her so much. Do you think if I asked her, she’d be like my civil union partner or whatever we’d have to be called? The proposal would be something like, “Kelly… would you make me the happiest recapper alive and be my life partner? Because my life would suck without you.”
And then it ends and I am sad.
SweetyPi9897: if anoop doesn't go home i'm going to killl somebody
SweetyPi9897: that somebody being anoop
And now Anoop must die because he’s safe.
It’s sad watching Jorge sing about how he never can say goodbye even though we all know, even with the new judges Save, that he’s saying goodbye right now as soon as he’s done singing. The lyrics to this song are my feelings toward this show.
Everytime I think I had enough
I start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
That pierces me right to the core
It says turn around you fool
You know you love her more and more
Oh, I hate you Idol for making me love you!!
The girls are dancing and singing along while Randy and Simon talk to each other and for some reason, it’s hilarious. Then it’s home, sweet, home for Jorge.
See ya next week. Maybe.
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