Me - “We gotta watch Uncle Seacrest now.”
The Niece - “I don’t want to watch Uncle Seacrest!”
Ryan looks ghostly under the white lights as he introduces the show. Like he’s going to tell us a ghost story. “One time there was a girl and a boy necking in a car and then a hook knocked on a window. And it belonged to DannyGokey! OMG AUGH!!” Then him and Kara will play Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Ghost and forever talk about the ghost they saw while they were playing
Randy is wearing a hideous pink shirt and Paula is wearing more cleavage than I ever thought she could wear.
Ford commercial: The Idols are foot racing in black and white, which believe it or not, makes Matt’s forehead thing even more prominent than ever. Then a Ford drives up and everything is colorized.
Group sing: Allison is wearing a dress over pants and Gokey looks her up and down because she’s legal now. Ew. Matt looks delicious as usual. As does Kris, but I‘m sort of over that tonight. Then of course there’s Adam and there’s nothing that can be said about Adam except he’s awesome as usual and easily two feet taller than everybody else. This medley is kind of a hot mess. But I think they’re at least singing live this time. I wish they’d make up their minds with this lip syncing thing. Then, a butt shot of Kris and I’m over being over him.
Video footage of the Idols making cake to celebrate the birthdays of Allison and Danny. Speaking of. We’ve been doing this lottery thing at work and every week I use Kelly Clarkson’s birth date (4 and 24) and call it my lucky number even though it’s never done anything for me. Now I know why. Its also Danny’s birthday. Back in the mansion kitchen, someone starts a food fight. I’ll let you guess what kind of a douche would start a food fight in the middle of baking a birthday cake. Then Danny is given a 6,000 bill to pay for the maid services to clean it. Ha! Well played, Idol. Well played.
Matt has tears in his eyes and is sent to one end of the stage. Danny looks like he would have tears in his eyes if he was capable of producing tears. And maybe he is, but I don’t know. He talks forever and I sort of black in and out until he’s sent to the other end of the stage. Allison is sent to stand next to Danny. Kris stands next to Matt. Which leaves Adam in the position to pick a group, which is lame, because he‘ll refuse to pick a group and that was only cool the first time when Bo Bice did it. From then on it was just copycat. Adam’s all like “I love everybody!!” But he picks Allison and Danny’s group anyway… which is not the bottom three. What?!! Even Danny looks shocked, like he’s been replaced with a body double. Him and Allison stare open mouthed at each other for like 10 seconds, which is a really long time.
Natalie Cole - or as I thought for a second, “Is that Fantasia’s mom?” - is here to sing some boring Rat Pack era song. Me thinks its time for a bathroom break. Afterwards, Allison still can’t believe she’s safe and Adam isn‘t. That makes two of us… plus, everybody else in the world.
Taylor Hicks is here, looking well beyond his 30-something years. I’m sure it’s the hair, but it could have been the two bad albums he’s had under his belt. I liked Taylor when he was on this show, but I just have no time for him anymore. I don’t know why. But I do like his song ‘The Runaround’.
stonehousekthx: hear how people are politely applauding
stonehousekthx: they don't remember him, but Ryan said he was once on this stage, and they believe him
His guitar playing is awesome. Him and Ryan talk about how he’s lost weight because Ryan is obsessed with weight.
Matt, Kris, and Adam… Ryan sends Kris back to the couches… who will win if Adam goes home?
Why won’t the performances stop?!!! WHY?!!! Jamie Foxx is singing/rapping some new song of his. So he’s a singer now? I don’t know what’s going on in celebrity land anymore. There is too much going on. Lots of drums and singing and clapping and dancing judges. I might have a seizure, that’s how over stimulated my eyes are right now.
So down to Adam and Matt… I would make out with either one of them. Adam is safe and Matt says goodbye. I’m sad. Matt’s going home to the tunes of Carrie Underwood. It just occurred to me that Matt kind of looks like Stan on American Dad. I’d still make out with him. And take him home, sweet home.
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