You guys should know that I've had so many arguments this past week over whether or not Miley Cyrus can sing live. The consensus is that she totally and awesomely can even though I still think she can't. And by the way, if your only defense against why somebody isn't doing what they're getting paid to do is "I don't see you up here doing it." then you're an idiot and so is your momma. That goes double for contestants on this show who tell Simon the same thing. Simon’s critiques and you sing, that‘s how it is. This is my favoritest stage in the world. Don’t bring your douchbaggery onto it.
Also, I thought of something. If Quentin Tarantino had written and directed Single White Female, you'd get that story of how my brother talked me into getting a haircut that, unbeknownst to, was the same haircut Adam Lambert has. Then in the movie, somehow Adam and I would end up married and then my brother would kill me by stabbing me in the eye with one of Adam's heels and then he'd tie up Adam in the basement like in Misery, only he wouldn't chop his feet off cause Adam is a dancing machine and he would totally like being tied up and just before things could turn into weird, gay porn, I'd come back to life (cause I was never dead in the first place cause he stabbed me in my fake glass eye that I got during some childhood accident which they'll have to flashback to in the movie, but it would probably involve a sandbox, a cup of kool-aid, and maybe a fish hook.) and destroy my brother. And Adam hooks me up with Seacrest and/or Cook and alls well that ends well. Also, the soundtrack would be awesome.
But enough about me. THIS is American Idol. Remember how Matt was saved and everybody was happy last week? Yeah. I do too. Cause they just reminded us with video package. Ryan is super excited, but I don’t know why. He just says its going to be an exciting week. Maybe he loves Matt. Maybe he loves disco, which is our theme. Our maybe he loves the judges. Oh. Simon’s wearing a white shirt that’s almost see thru. Now I see why Ryan’s so happy. I suppose I’d be happy too.
I know a lot of disco songs, but none that I can name as actually being disco songs off the top of my head, so I’d sing that song about how heaven must be missing an angel. Or that song about loving the night life, and boogieing, and the disco round.
We jump right into things, so we don’t run over I guess. Fringe must have finally put it’s foot down, even though you’re not really missing if you miss Fringe because it’s a stupid show anyway. I gave it a chance. The previews are good, but the show itself? Not so much. Lil is singing ‘I’m Every Woman’. Can’t we be original? Can we sing songs that aren’t on the list of the first few songs that op into your head when you think disco? And wait, is this even disco? This is Whitney! This isn’t disco! Randy calls to “wild” but not in a good way. He says, truthfully, that it didn’t really show us what kind of an artist she is and that she should probably just go home. The last part I’m paraphrasing, but that’s basically what Kara says too. Oh, and according to Paula, this was done by Chaka Khan first. So I guess it is disco. My bad. Lil gets teary and Simon’s all like, “Lil, don’t look sad. Just because you have no originality.” Then Lil won’t shut up like she does every week.
Kris Allen is also looking splendidly delicious in a white t-shirt. He is singing ‘She Works Hard For The Money’ because it tells the story of a“….. woman.” He’s playing it acoustic on guitar. It’s awesome like it was awesome when Nathaniel did ‘Disturbia’ that one time before he cried and then cried again and then went away. Kara thought Kris was awesome. She gives him “props”. Paula loved it. She says that Kris shops in the women’s section which means he chose a song sung by a woman but which Simon takes to mean that Kris wears women’s underwear. But he doesn’t care if Kris wears women’s underwear because his performance was fantastic anyway. And Randy repeats it with slightly different words.
Danny is singing ‘Dancing In September’. I have nothing to say about it except that I got ticked off at him because I couldn’t remember the name of the song and I tried googling it but couldn’t understand a word he was singing. The judges thought it was solid, except Simon who thought it was awkward and clumsy.
God, I hate that face he makes. You know the face I’m talking about. Either you love it or you hate it. I’m gonna name it “Summer’s Eve”.
Allison is sitting on the stairs, dressed like Nikki McKibbon. I hope she’s not mentoring innocent young girls like Allison. She’s singing ‘Hot Stuff’. She’s singing it so differently that I didn’t even recognize it until the end. I liked the arrangement, but Randy didn’t. He calls her one of the best singers in the competition though. Kara agrees. Paula says something about compromise and edginess and how arrangements don’t effect her authenticity and how it was off the charts. Simon loved it.
The crowd can’t stop screaming for Adam, who is wearing the exact same suit as Ryan, only black. And his hair is weird, but still sexy. He’s singing ‘If I Can’t Have You’. Ooooh. It’s so pretty. It’s so slow and pretty. It makes Paula cry. I cry on the inside. The good kind of tears. Randy praises him, Kara can’t find words beside “brilliant”, Paula cries about it while Simon snickers at her, and I guess Simon liked it. I don’t know. Also, Adam still has a hot brother.
GASP! I forgot about Matt! He’s singing ‘Stayin’ Alive’. I like when Matt wears hats because you can’t see that thing on his forehead. Also, he looks damn good and I want to make out with him. Randy didn’t love the song, but thinks Matt can really sing. Paula calls it solid. Paula talks about his balls or her balls or somebody’s balls. And then something else weird. Sometimes Paula talks like a cave man... I hope those cavemen from those commercials don't show up in my living room now all offended. Speaking of them, can you believe somebody actually gave them a TV show? That's like giving Paula a TV sho-... Oh, wait. If you count this one, they've given her two. Who are these people who are just walking around handing out TV shows? Can I have one? They’re giving Fantasia a reality show! I didn’t even care about her life when it was a Lifetime movie and I love Lifetime movies!
Anyway. Simon didn’t like the performance. He calls it desperate and unoriginal.
Oh man, I forgot about Anoop too. I’m not doing good this week. On Saturday I accidentally showed up for school an hour early. Anyway, he’s singing ‘Dim The Lights’. He’s got some dirt on his upper lip, but otherwise, he doesn’t look half bad tonight. I’m into white boys myself, but he’s cute. It’s a pretty good performance. The judges like it, except Simon. He calls it his worst performance for awhile. I disagree, but it‘s not like I’ll download the performance either.
blozor636: It's good thing Anoop is dressed like a girl because he's singing like a girl, and we'd hate to get confused.
Going home tomorrow. As much as it pains me… Matt. And possibly Anoop. Maybe Kris or Allison, but only because nobody appreciates them.
JuleahFaye: i like kris more than anoop
JuleahFaye: but i like being right more than either of them.
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