The contestants are lined up down the stairs again and you’ll be glad to know that none of them have crazy hair tonight.
Ryan walks down the stairs first which completely throws me off. Also thrown off? A weird, bald guy in the audience who may or may not have been a mannequin.
The theme tonight is "Songs From The Year You Were Born", or in the case of Allison, who is practically still an ultrasound, "Songs From Last Week".
The judges are already seated somehow and then Ryan shows a baby picture of Randy in which he kind of looks like Michael Jackson. Then baby Kara, who Ryan says looks like she “just made a poopy“. Ya know, I did some googling yesterday and it turns out Kara has written like every song i've ever loved. Also, I'm surprised by how well she's fallen into place on this show. I thought I'd spend the entire season complaining about how her presence is like a rash that won't go away.
Paula’s picture is Paula. And Simon’s picture is him at about 10 dressed in a British armed forces uniform holding a gun. And awww, baby Seacrest.
Sometimes I feel like this show is an April Fool's joke that won't ever end and sometimes I feel sad that it could, at any time, approach it's death and we won't even have seen it coming. Or maybe we would have. But either way, it could die and then where will we be?
roarimaraptor: what are we gonna do when idol is cancelled?
roarimaraptor: ya know, after next season
Kauly Jo: let's not think about that dark time now
Kauly Jo: the world may end in the meantime and spare us such a fate
I never wondered how Scott walked out on stage with everyone without falling off or bumping into someone, which I should have considered. The answer is, Lil is holding his hand. That’s sweet.
I kind of miss Megan. I mean, I'd be horrified to find out that she moved into the house next door and I'd move my seat if she sat behind me in math class, but I kind of miss her misguidedness. Not the tattoo though. Thank God, the nightmares can finally stop!!
Oh nevermind. Gokay is still here. If I meet him over the summer, I want him to sign my program, "To my biggest un-fan. Love, D.G' okay."
I don’t even want to deal with him tonight. He’s first because he’s the oldest. I blame his dad for all of this, because he informed him that he could sing way back when, before he even realized he could sing. He’s singing some different version of ‘Stand By Me’. It’s too slow. I fell asleep before he even got to the part about the moon. All the girls scream. Then he speeds it up and it’s not any more entertaining. I remember back when I liked his voice, but tonight I find it annoying.
roarimaraptor: zzzzzzzzz
blozor636: I was thinking the exact same thing.
blozor636: This is boring and he looks like a tard.
I want less of this and more Scott. Or more baby pictures of Seacrest so I can get an idea of what our children will look like.
Randy didn’t like the arrangement, but liked the vocals. Kara didn’t like the arrangement either, but thought he killed it at the end. Paula uses some big words that add up to nothing at all. And Simon’s like, “What the hell are you talking about?!” Then he calls Gokey great. I have nothing to say to that. Except:
Patti: i'm gonna just start knocking off his fans
Patti: what if i accidentally typed "knocking up"?
Shrewlaura: Haha, unwed mothers, the lot of them! That'll teach them.
Kris Allen next. He never stops being hot. Kris tells us all how he went to a carnival on his day off and people were like, “Are you from American Idol? Can you tell Adam I said hi?” Ha! One time, when David Cook was meeting fans during the Idol tour, everybody kept asking him to go get Jason, so he went to get him and didn’t come back out cause he was miffed. I would have been too. Those ungrateful bitches. Castro was like 5 feet away from me in person and he is a beautiful specimen, but… he’s no David Cook. What kind of monsters trade in David Cook for Jason Castro? I don’t even want to know those kinds of people.
Kris is doing ‘All She Wants To Do Is Dance’ out in the mosh pit surrounded by fans, which wasn‘t even cool when Matt did it. Otherwise, not bad. Kara didn’t like it. Paula calls him one of the most likable contestants in the history of ever. Simon calls it indulgent, boring, and forgettable. I agree on the last two I suppose. I’d rather see him than that guy before him anyway. I think what Randy tries to say is that Kris got lost in the song. Ryan calls Simon’s critque indulgent and predictable, someone calls him baby, he calls someone hotty, and he gives Simon the “we‘ll discuss this further in bed later” eyes.
Lil was born on a day once, some years ago. Lil was the name her parents gave her, not a nickname as everyone on earth and in Lil’s life ever, had assumed. She’s singing ’What’s Love Got To Do With It’. Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken, indeed. This isn’t anywhere near the original. Paula starts off by telling her how hot she looks, which means that was all she had going for her tonight. Paula didn’t think she made it her own “niche”. Simon calls it a “second or third rate Tina”. BURN!!! But true. Basically, he says she needs to start being original.
Paula - “That’s what I said.”
Simon - “But I make more sense, Paula.”
The other two judges concur. Lil looks like she might cry.
I heard rumors that Anoop might sing ‘Who’s Johnny’. I’m assuming the El Debarge song, which would have been awesome. Unless he screwed it up, in which case I would have had to punch him in the face. But instead he’s doing ‘True Colors’. Also, he’s wearing an ugly sweater. Something that Bert and/or Ernie would wear if they were frat boys. But before he sings, him and Ryan talk about how he was assy last week and he claims basically that he was replaced by a body double. This is sort of pretty. I have nothing bad to say about the performance. Except for the sweater. Jesus H. Christ! It’s hurting my eyes! People get beaten up for wearing stuff like that.
roarimaraptor: for real, it's blinding me
roarimaraptor: it would blind scott
Kauly Jo: it'd be a pity if he caught anoop's sweater out of the corner of his eye and went even more blind
The judges loved it. Agreed. Except Paula calls him a “rainbow”.
The Brother - “I think he’s gay. Talking about rainbows up in this piece. And singing Cindy Lauper.”
Scott was an adorable baby. As a kid he wanted to be a train engineer. That’s sad. Cause I’m pretty sure you have to be able to see to drive a train. GASP! He loves Halloween and creepy Halloween things!! So do I! It’s a sign!! He’s playing guitar!! And singing ‘The Search Is Over’ I’m in love, guys. For real. Seacrest who? He hit’s a bad note, but whatever. It was awesome. I don’t care what anybody says about him, I want to marry him.
By the way, it was brought to my attention last week that Hot Seeing Eye Guy has an actual, for real name. Don't ask me what it is though, I can't remember.
The judges are all, “Who knew blind people could play guitar?” Kara liked it and didn’t like it. Paula thought acoustic guitar would have been better, but Scott claims it was his “punk side coming out”. I want to marry him. I’d say on a mountain top, but I’m afraid he’d fall off not being able to see the edge and all. Simon calls the performance and the guitar playing “atrocious”. You’re on my list, Cowell.
Some girls yell that they love him and Scott’s all like, “I love you too… wherever you are..?” And then he looks around.
We see pictures of Allison from last Saturday in which she was a baby and looked exactly like she does today. As a kid, her doctor diagnosed her with, “She will be a singer someday.” She’s doing, ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’. I love this song. I was IMed by two different people at the same time asking me how dare she sing a Clay song. I don’t remember Clay singing this. Apparently, he sang it on tour. I thought I knew everything he ever sang on tour. But oh how wrong I was.
Anyway, she was great and everybody loved her. Except Simon says that nobody likes her because she has no personality. Or something. He says she needs to open up more and be more talkative so we can get to know her. Agreed. Randy makes the Kelly Clarkson comparison and for the first time in my life, I don’t get angry. But I’ve been saying it for months now anyway.
In 1985, Matt Giraud was born. His forehead pimple is bigger than ever! What is that thing? But from behind, he’s hot like David Cook. He’s singing, ‘Part Time Lovers’. It’s awesome and so the judges freak out.
Patti says: didn't sanjaya sing this? or was it a-fed?
Shrewlaura: It was Chicken Little, Kevin Covais.
Patti says: Ew, that just sounds gross
Patti says: that's probably why i don't remember
Speaking of gross, Ryan calls Matt “brotha” no once, but twice. Stop it, Ryan. I don’t slave over a fansite for you so that you can say silly things on TV.
Randy stands up and makes peace signs with his fingers and Ryan makes him sit down. But he doesn’t listen.
Adam was an adorable child. And nothing has changed. He’s singing ‘Mad World’. He’s sitting and there are no lights on him. This is awesome! Adam is awesome! Is this the finale? Did he win? Are there other people on this show? Simon gives him a standing O, which knocks the entire planet of its axis. WHOO!
Kellie Pickler and Flo Rider tomorrow.
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