Dramatic intro, flames on the screen, dramatic music, Quentin Tarantino, THIS is American Idol.
Miley Cyrus is here tonight, Jennifer Hudson is here tonight, and Ryan Seacrest is here tonight.
The Ford commercial tonight is finally a song I like, ‘Freeze Frame’. God, I’m old. Everybody is photoshopped onto the cover of magazines and all the guys look amazingly hot. Except that one guy. You know which one.
The group song tonight is ‘Maniac’. They’re not lip synching anymore, thank God. I want to kiss whoever put a stop to this. They sound great.
Okay, I’ve got a true story about this song. One time I made this cartoon starring Clay Aiken, Ryan Seacrest, and some others. At the beginning Clay has pink legwarmers on and he’s dancing to this song. The same dance as that scene from Flash Dance. It took me weeks and weeks to animate and I never wanted to hear that song again and I’ve gone great lengths to avoid it. But tonight, I have no where to run. But the cartoon is awesome. I won’t deny anybody who requests to see it.
Danny Gokey’s voice sounds like Kim Caldwell if Kim Caldwell was a dude. Which, she might already be. But let’s just say she’s not. Actually, she’s like a chick who’s really a dude who’s really a chick, but is sometimes still a dude. Dip that in some batter, wrap it up in a bow, and you get DannyGokey.
Me - “OMG! I have the same haircut as Adam! That’s why you made me get this haircut!
The Brother - “No… you should die your hair black.”
Those Idol bastards got to go to the premiere of 17 Again, a movie I can’t wait to see. And I’m not even ashamed to admit that. The Idols are wetting themselves over meeting the cast and the cast is wetting themselves over meeting the Idols, except Zac Efron who’s like, “Who are these people?”, and who is also in the audience tonight wearing a stupid hat.
By the way, I don’t approve of someone being named Sterling Knight. I mean, I’m just saying.
Lil calls Danny old. Points to Lil.
Allison had special sauce last night, was the only hope for the girls, and is safe. Girls scream maniacally for Adam, who was brave and Rocky Horrorish last night, and is safe.
Anoop stands up and Randy yawns. Ha! Oh Randy. Sometimes you are fun.
“International recording artist” Jennifer Hudson is here tonight. I was bored then and I’m bored now. The song is more entertaining than the video package though. I like it. I want to download it.
Anoop’s all like, “I thought I was good, I don’t understand being in the bottom 3, but whatevs.” Simon approves of him being in the bottom 3.
In case you were wondering, Kara and Paula are separated by like 5 feet, so they can’t talk to each other and run us over into the next show again.
Kris is still hot, in case you were wondering that also. Simon says he was brilliant last night, since he wasn’t actually allowed to speak last night when it happened. Lil was here last night and sang a song and now she’s back and she’s in the bottom 3.
Last night Matt wondered if we had ever really, really loved a woman. I can’t speak for everyone, but no Matt, I have not. Unless that woman is Kelly Clarkson. In which case, then no I still have not. But I would.
DannyGokey has some dirt on his face of which we will never speak again. I think he wants us to call it a “beard”. He’s safe and Matt is in the bottom 3.
So it’s Lil, Anoop, and Matt. One of them is safe… um… it’s Anoop. Hmmm. Wasn’t expecting that, but okay.
Miley Cryus.
The Brother - “What if it wasn’t even her?”
Me - “What if it was Chris Kattan as her like that time he was dressed as Britney? That was awesome.”
Oh God, I love this song. I’ve lost all shame, you guys. I downloaded the soundtrack to her new movie and I cannot stop listening to ‘The Climb’. I burned it to a CD and I sing along LOUDLY in the car. I don’t care if I’m even in a drive thru with the windows open. It’s a good track, but vocally, live, she wouldn’t even have made it into the top 12. Or 13, as this year would have it.
Back at the stools, Simon says one of the two he’d consider saving and Ryan wonders aloud would it be Lil, but Simon won’t say. Ryan’s says “We’ll be right back.” and they forget to go to commercial break and instead the camera pans over to Simon making funny faces because we haven’t cut to commercial yet. HA! I love this show sometimes.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I hate this show sometimes!!! Lil is safe and Matt is OUT!! NOOOO!!
So he sings again. I’ve always hated this song, like hated-hated cause it’s totally stupid, but Matt makes it sound so beautiful. The judges climb all up on each other and hold hands and make out before Simon tells Matt he has no chance of winning. But then they save him. WHOOOO! I always thought this save was stupid, but now I love it. Everybody is so happy that Matt is safe.
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