Some of you might know what Dial Idol is, some of you might not. It's software you download and then your computer will automatically keep redialing your vote. It keeps a tab of busy signals to predict the Idols placement. It's not always right, but it's pretty accurate most of the time. Anyway, apparently Megan's percentage of votes was so small it was incalculable. It's a computer! They can do anything! They assist in surgery now but they can't even calculate Megan's votes? Poor Megan. I wonder what it's like to suck at life and everything else.
This new opening disturbs me. It’s this dramatic music and they zoom quickly on the contestants giant faces, like this is a wrestling introduction or something. It’s weird. I bet Kara would call it “artistry”. The dramatic music does make excitement rise in my chest though.
Alexis and Jason Castro are sitting in the audience together. Are they dating? Does her military school baby daddy boyfriend know about this? She should date Castro junior instead. They have more similar hair.
Randy thinks it’s funny that people keep choosing the wrong songs. Kara appreciates that the audience boos her for stupid reasons. Paula says something wise, which is that the Idols need to already know who they are and they need to prove it every night. And Adam’s the only one who does. Though she gives them that they have the potential, which is a lie, but nice of her to give them hope. I think it’s an April Fool’s Day joke though. Simon thinks Anoop, Matt, and Megan go home, one of which is going to come true.
In the Ford commercial, their faces are mixed up and they’re singing/rapping about how they’re “all mixed up” and they “like it“. It’s better than the other commercials they’ve done so far this season, but it’s creepy in the same way that it’s creepy when Roseanne had that theme song where everybody’s faces changed.
Group Song: Scott is ‘playing’ the piano and they are ‘singing’ “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. God. This lip syncing would turn Ashlee Simpson over in her grave. It’s almost as bad as those kids on Barney. But one good thing? They sound awesome when people can tamper with their voices. Adam’s the best though. Why? Because he’s Adam.
Next, a video montage of how busy the Idols lives are. Matt doesn’t know what day it is, he’s so busy. Kris is hot in front of a green screen and even the camera guys tell him to make a “sexy face”. Anoop thinks he’s a rockstar . Scott likes chocolate cake and I’m going to learn how to bake right now so that when we get married, I will make him a very happy husband.
In the video package, Matt does a Gokey impresison which makes everybody laugh and then back in the present, Danny does a Matt impression and it’s just lame. I officially have nothing more to say about DannyGokey. And to fill more time, Anoop and Allison do impressions too, but those are kind of funny.
Ryan makes Megan stand up first like she isn’t going home. Remember how Megan sodomized Bob Marley and then thought she had fans? Which you can't really blame on her since the audience was making a lot of commotion that could be mistaken for fanfare but was probably just that they were cheering because she had stopped singing, or maybe they all got mad cow disease or maybe Gokey put eyedrops in the drinking fountain and the effects were beginning to happen. I'm going to start pretending I have fans.
Then he makes Matt and Kris stand up and now I have no idea what he’s playing at. But then he makes all three stand together on the stage. Then Allison, Adam, and Lil stand together. Ryan leads Scott over to the stage and tells Danny and Anoop to join him.
The Brother - “I think it’ll be Scott’s group.”
Me - “It’ll be Megan’s.”
The Brother - “Nobody likes Scott and nobody like’s Anoop.”
Me - “Megan doesn’t have any fans. She has negative fans.”
Two Wednesday nights ago, David Cook traveled to the future, tonight, to tape this performance and then he went back to his own time. Now tonight, David from the past who traveled to the future is here in the present to sing a song in a fiendish plot to convince us that this performance is live! Just like Carrie Underwood two weeks ago and Kelly Clarkson the week before that. They're trying to trick us with that which we love. We're through the looking glass, people!
Time traveling David is hot though. He’s wearing a tie. I so want to have his babies. Or date his drummer. Or one of the guitar players, they’re all hot. But not the bassist. I wouldn’t have chosen this song ‘Come Back To Me’ as the next single, but whatever, cause his mom is singing along in the audience. I can’t wait to see the video, even though he kisses some chick who isn’t me and kind of looks like Taylor Swift.
David is about 4 feet taller than Ryan now and about 2 times wider, like he ate Archie and whoever it was that came in third last season. Two blondes bring out a framed platinum record of David’s and he cries like in the olden days that I missed so much. They don’t show it, but I hear he presented it to his mom.
On the way to commercial, they show a clip of the video. It’s creepy because he moves backwards up an escalator and through an airport to kiss that Taylor Swift clone.
For the second time tonight, Ryan says that someone “COULD” go home tonight. I don’t like what that indicates.
roarimaraptor: i hope it's all a massive april fool's joke
roarimaraptor: and ryan will be like, "just kidding, you're going home"
stonehousekthx: omg
stonehousekthx: EVIL
stonehousekthx: don't tell seacrest or he'll do it, especially when he's pissy and on his period
Kris is safe. Matt looks like he might vomit, and Ryan says once again he has to take a seat. As Matt walks to the stools, Ryan’s like, “No, on the couches, sucka.”
The judges still don’t care about Megan, and when Ryan sends her to the bottom 3 stools, she flaps her arms and squawks like a bird. I’m not trying to be funny, she really did it.
Lil… is safe.
Allison is dressed awesome tonight. I don’t know what happened yesterday. Then she’s in the bottom 3. She says, “Hey, familiar chair.” HA! Why won’t people vote for her?!! She is AWESOME! Get your act together, America!!
Adam is safe and his peeps in the audience are hot. The boy peeps. I mean, I’m assuming they’re boy-peeps. With Adam, one never knows.
Ryan pretends Danny might not be safe again and that is getting so old. I don’t get angry at you often Ryan, but I am angry right now. April Fool’s Day on this show is always stressful. It’s always stressful when anything can happen on a show where anything can happen!
Between Scott and Anoop, Anoop thinks he himself should be in the bottom three which is a modesty from him I’ve never seen. I like you tonight, Anoop. Scott gets led back towards the couches by Ryan and tries reaching for Anoop, possibly to hug or offer some sort of condolence. He looks confused that he is safe. Oh, if only he could see!!
If Amy Winehouse was a dude… and dressed in draq… you’d get someone they call Lady GaGa. But don’t try reading her poker face, because you won’t be able to. Her left eye has make-up drawn around it that makes it look like a cross between the wrist-eye tattoos that David Cook and Adam both have. This is awesome if you’re not looking at the screen, cause this song rocks, but if you watch it, it’s frightening. It’s like a nightmare I had one time.
Allison is safe!! WHOOO!! And I don’t even care what happens next, so my dvr can feel free to cut out. Simon says he’s not even going to pretend that he’s going to use the save on her. But she sings anyway. I meant to say, she “sings” anyway. And also, dances really badly with Paula. She cries that she’s going home to her baby. This is kind of sad. I feel bad now. I mean, what am I going to talk about without the tattoo?
But you know what’s weird? I’ve never really like this goodbye song, but tonight, somehow, it sounds different. It sounds so pretty and I want it downloaded NOW. Allison and Megan cry together while the video package plays us out.
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