Assume Fox viewing positions!
“Good evening” says Ryan Seacrest. He is coming to us live from Hollywood with our top 5.
I’m glad they got rid of that whole judges walking out to their seats thing. That was annoying. Not annoying? Ricky Minor and his awesome band. Tonight’s theme is “Standards from the Rat Pack era”. This could suck. Or it could be awesome. But it could still suck. Only time will tell.
This week’s mentor is… remastered video footage of Frank Sinatra!! No, just kidding. It’s that dude from In Living Color!! I love In Living Color!! I mean, Jamie Foxx has done a lot of things since then, but who can forget In Living Color! I keep thinking of The Head Detective (the detective who was just a head with arms and feet) even though Jamie didn’t play that character. He is a good fit to mentor the Idols because he played a singer in a movie. Hmmm. Interesting. I sing David Cook songs in my shower. Can I mentor him?
Kris is singing ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ and Jamie keeps calling him a “dude”. Kris is many things, mostly awesome and pretty things, but I don’t know if he’s a dude. What is a dude, even? I don’t know, but anyway, this is very pretty. But it’s boring, like that rat pack music tends to be. Its lounge music for a reason. Cause it’s loungey. It’s for laying around and loungey. It makes me want to take a nap. But I can’t close my eyes because Kris is darling to look at. Everybody screams like they’re having seizures. Randy calls it his best performance in the history of forever, and the audience does their seizure scream again. Kara tells him how high he’s set the bar, to more screams. Paula is wearing wrapping paper as a dress and calls Kris “ever so handsome”. Simon just calls it safe.
I just noticed that Kris is smaller than Ryan. That must be miniscule. I bet Kris could fit in somebody’s pocket, that‘s how small he must be.
Allison is wearing like a cocktail dress with feathers of a swan for the skirt part. She killed a swan!! And she just turned 17 now. She’s singing ‘Someone To Watch Over Me’ which Jamie calls innocent. She’s legal now. There’s nothing innocent about that. I forgot to actually pay attention during this part because my brother and I were discussing that nasty rumor about Trenyce, Kimberly Caldwell, and Corey Clarke. You know what rumor I’m talking about. And if you don’t, so much the better for you.
Randy thinks there are 9,000 octaves in singing and that Allison has 9,000 more of them than Pink. True, I suppose. The judges praise her all over the place. Except Simon. Not that she’s bad, he just thinks she’s being overshadowed by everyone who’s better. Kara asks permission before speaking and then calls Simon crazy.
Matt is singing ‘My Funny Valentine’ which he dedicates to his forehead pimple. I mean, in my head he does this. But still. Just because I only imagined it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Jamie insists that Matt sing the song in a certain key and to hold a certain note a certain amount of time to slay the dragon and win the game. I’ve never liked this song. Except for those two weeks that I loved Constantine before I took antibiotics to clear up that infection. Randy calls it pitchy cause it’s like the only word he knows. Although he isn’t lying. Kara appreciated the singing, but he wasn’t emotionally connected to the song. Paula loves it because she probably wasn’t even paying attention. Although I thought it was pretty. Simon agrees with Paula and thought it was great. So maybe she was paying attention.
Download songs on iTunes, yada yada yada. Danny is singing ‘Come Rain Or Come Shine’. This is the song Carla is singing in The Other Sister when her boyfriend picks a cracker off her shirt. GASP!! His name was Danny too!!! NOOO!! That’s my favorite movie! How dare you forsake my favorite movie, DannyGokey!!
There’s all kinds of trumpet and those glasses I hate. I have no opinion on the vocals cause he always sounds karaoke to me. The judges love it, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t be surprised if they extended the season just to give us more Gokey.
Dude, I so want to see Dance Flick.
Adam is singing that song about how there’s a new dawn and a new day and a new life. Blah, I hate this song. But Adam does wonderful things with it of course. He’s dressed all in all white suit and actually slinks down the stairs like he’s Jessica Rabbit. He hits a note higher and held longer than the one Jamie advised to Matt. Awesome. Let’s just name Adam the winner and let him and Allison and Kris and Matt sing every week until the finale. The audience screams FOREVER when he’s done. Like, FOREVER. Maybe it’s Adam’s fault they go over every week. The judges are practically speechless.
To my disappointment, Ryan promises not to slink down the stairs like Adam did. Damn you, Seacrest! Squash my dreams, why don’t you!
Who goes home tomorrow night? Probably Matt. Which makes me sad, but whatevs.
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