It’s group time now. They’re rushing everything this season, so nobody can figure out anybody’s name. There’s a guy who’s wife died, a guy who’s clearly gay, a blind guy, and a girl in a Bikini. That’s all we know. Also, an Osmond.
A girl hand-kisses the crying gay boy with the lip piercing and tells him to get his act together and stop pouting. But he claims he’s just confused.
Things get all junior high when a few contestants can’t find groups and they go around asking people if they can join groups and the people act all, “Um…. No. We’ve already got our group.” God, I’m having flashbacks to high school.
A lot of stuff is happening and very quickly, and I can’t keep up and recap a lot of it. Rose Fleck is in a group with Bikini Girl and some others who are just like Bikini girl except they keep their clothes on and Rose hates them all. I love you, Rose.
A girl cries like it’s the end of her life if she doesn’t get to the next round. God, I hate people who act this way. Get a job and a hobby, why don’t you. She tries joining Gay Lip Pierced Boy’s group and everyone in the group is all like, “Oh no, that bitch did not just join this group.”
After eight years of watching this show, here’s the one thing I’ve learned. Nobody who acts like an asshole, a douche, a jerk, or any other variation of stupidity ever… and I mean NEVER EVER, wins. You don’t make it into the top twelve, and if you happen to get lucky and make it that far, you absolutely will not get into the top 5 even. Because America has no interest in having an asshole for our Idol. So shut up and go home. Learn to knit.
Back to the show. Girl who switched to this group, wants to go back to her original group. Which is just stupid. In junior high, during gym class, we had to put together a dance to Another Bad Creation’s ’On The Playground’… and this reminds me of that process of putting it all together. And yes, I mean that everyone is acting like a pre-teen. Maybe they are. Maybe they lowered the age limit.
Lip Piercing Boy talks about “chilling out”, while that pre-teen group of girls I just spoke of goes outside and talks about how nobody has any talent. Why are we wasting so much time on this? None of these people are going to make it on the show, because they’re morons. Class A MORONS. Move on to the people who actually have a chance. This drama was funny yesterday, but its just annoying today. I’m losing my patience with you, Francis!!
There’s some crying, some diva-ness, someone goes to bed early instead of rehearsing like someone does every single year, and several people cry. Can’t a train just come along and pick up people at random intervals? Cause these people are pissing me off! Where’s Super Nanny Seacrest?! Where’s Scott with his blind guy stick to beat people with?! WHERE ARE ALL OF THE GROWN UPS?!!
Annoying laugh, stupid dances, more divas. Bikini is behaving exactly as you’d expect someone who’d audition for American Idol in a bikini to behave. And then she disappears The rest of her group thinks about hiring rescue searchers to find her but decide that they just don’t care enough.
Can someone tell me how hard it is to form a group, learn a song… and perform it? I mean, I could do it with some sock puppets.
Son of a fucking bitch!! Bikini Girl is back! Just go home and stay there!! She apologizes to her group that she left. She was jus “tired”, like she’s the only one who had to stay up all night and learn a song. Her group gets up and walks away. Awesome. I love you, Rose Fleck!! I don’t care how weird you might be, I love you. For now, anyway.
In the auditorium, the judges arrive and warns the contestants that if they forget the words - or his birthday - they are out. Ryan arrives, looking delicious as usual. It’s really too bad for Scott that he can’t see him, cause Ryan walks right in front of him.
The first group is singing ‘I Want You Back‘. There’s a boy named Matt, I like. I don’t have an opinion on the rest of them. They’re all through.
The second group is a bunch of people who forget the words… and then they blend a few groups together and I get confused. But my guy Nick is through and that’s all that matters.
At this point, I stopped writing cause I was eating a giant brownie. But it was some of the same. Nothing worth mentioning
When I’m done eating, Simon asks for a crate of Advil. I hope he shares with me. But I want Aleve. Because it’s little, yellow, different. The judges are so over this that even Paula is cursing.
OMG!!! Today in the car I was listening to ‘Somebody To Love’ and hoping that somebody on Idol would sing it… and here we are. Danny’s awesome group singing it. Simon makes the group think that Danny is the only one who gets through, but surprise! They are all through.
Oil Man Jeremy and Adam Lambert are awesome times like a million. Except when I look at Adam, all I can see is him in drag. But I’m not complaining. When I get married, I want to elope in Vegas and one of my bachelorette party activities will be going to a drag show.
Bikini Girl’s group is so bad that Ryan starts chewing a whole pack of gum to get the dirt of her kiss out of his mouth. Simon pushes them to tattle on who didn’t show up to rehearse and they all point fingers at Bikini Girl who blames it all on her “scolioses”. I think she means like Chlamydia or something. Nobody corrects her, but Kara does call her a bitch after she leaves. You know what? I like Kara. I like her now and forever.
Osmond boy gets cut. A group of girls suck butt. Oh, it’s the group of pre-teens. I hope they all get cut. But no, they’re all through. What the… I need to clean my ears out or something. Cause I thought that was ass aweful.
Gay Lip Piercing Boy’s group is up last. I’m sure he has a name, I just don’t want to type it. He’s too obnoxious/annoying (haven’t decided which yet) to get into the top 12, so I don’t need to know his name. He’s not bad, but the girls are just so-so. Simon thought they were trying to sabotage each other by singing bad back-ups. But they were probably just sucking. Lip Piercing Boy and one of the girls are through and the other girl isn’t. Boy tries to hug her, but she pushes him away and makes him cry and pout. Then she curses at the other girl, but they bleep it out.
There’s like 800 other people still here, but we don’t get to see any of them cause we wasted half the damn show on a bunch of assholes.
Next week… more Hollywood week. But maybe we’ll get to see Scott.
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