I thought Idol was on at 8 tonight, so I almost missed it. I almost missed Arm Tattoo or Sarver getting sent home, cause you know it’s going to be one of them since they both think they’re in some summer camp talent show rather than on an actual singing show that is their one chance to make it big. But what do I know? I’m just a viewer. I can’t even sing.
The show starts with some stupid montage of last night’s episode set to some dramatic musical score, ending with close ups of the Idols faces in quick succession which is actually a very scary thing. I feel like I’m in a nightmare. And then Seacrest walks down the stairs without falling and it’s like I’m awake now.
Ryan promises us a very busy night. Ruben Studdard is here, Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, and some person named Joss Stone. Where are we going to get all this extra time from? That must mean no filler. Then everybody cheers for all those judges we know so well. Then Ryan reminds us of the Judges Save, as if they’d actually be using tonight.
Remember how sweet it was to be loved by Kris? Remember when Megan sang a song I could have farted better? Remember when we looked closer and saw the tracks of Adam's tears? Remember gettin' it on? Remember when Anoop finally showed us that he can actually sing and that maybe, just maybe he was worthy of a 13th place after all? Remember Randy's bright ugly sweater and how he said "mad crazy" half a dozen times? Remember how the Idols went to Detroit and Smokey Robinson was there and then they came back to LA and Smokey Robinson was there again? Remember when Scott’s mom told him he can’t hurry love? But all he has to do is come to my house. Remember when Allison was ten times better than the rest of the girls and half of the guys?
Medley. “Set me free why don’t you babe” sings the ladies. Or rather, lip sync… that is so lame. Who the hell said it was okay to lip sync on a live show?! God, this annoys the hell out of me. If they can’t sing live as a group, kick their asses off the show and get somebody who can. I want to vomit on all lip syncers. Anyway, then Matt and Scott come out and sing ‘You’re All I Need To Get By’. Kris is wearing a dress shirt that is lovely and see thru, then a river isn’t wide enough to keep us from Adam and Danny and I suppose whoever else I haven‘t mentioned by name in this paragraph yet. .
The Ford music video this week is set to that annoying “Pocketful Of Sunshine” song. The Idols are laying out pieces of images that they’ve pulled out of the trunk of a Ford. Once completed like a puzzle, it’s a road going through a field and then they drive along it like this is a scene from Mary Poppins. I hope they meet up with some chimney sweeps!!
When introducing Ruben, Ryan has to over-annunciate the word “winner” because everybody forgot that even happened since the whole Clay thing overshadowed it. By the time he reaches the first chorus, Ruben is sweating so much it looks like someone set off the fire alarm sprinklers on his head.
blozor636: This beat Clay?
Ryan asks Lil what it was like taking a plane to Detroit. Scott yawned on the plane, and Matt was so excited to be in Michigan.
Adam is safe.
Remember that episode of Family Guy when Chris had a pimple and it was making him do bad stuff and then it pulled out a gun on him when he tried to get rid of it? Yeah, Matt has one of those in the middle of his forehead. And then… he’s in the bottom three. What? This ain’t right. Kris is beautiful and safe. But first Ryan makes him think he’s in the bottom three, and Kris starts shouting “Every week!!” Ha! Ryan is funny. Tricking the same people every week. I love him. He tricks Lil the same way, but it’s not funny. It’s only annoying. And then Sarver is in the bottom three.
Oh my God, David Cook in a commercial!! He’ll be performing on the show next week. It’ll be good times for me. I can’t wait.
If the judges and Ryan had a slumber party? It’d be exactly what we see when we come back from commercial break where they are all huddled together doing weird things and giggling about something we missed.
Who the hell is Joss Stone? I don’t like this. Make it stop. Even Smokey Robinson can’t save this.
The Brother - “It sounds like two girls singing.”
Then he farted and I was like, “Is that what you think of this song?”. He says yes.
Allison is safe, though she is too busy talking to hear Ryan when he firsts says it. Anoop is safe. We already know what the deal with DannyGokey is, so I won’t even talk about it.
Megan clutches Scott’s arm, and he looks like he might cry and/or vomit. He’s in the bottom 3. He is blind! How dare those bastards!!!
The Mother - “Blind people don’t have duct tears, right?”
Me - “What?!”
The Mother - “Do blind people have tear ducts?”
Me - “Yes, blind people have tear ducts!!”
I can’t believe the things she says sometimes. I guess I should believe anything since I’ve known her for 29 years. This is the same woman who took it personal when Stewie killed Lois on Family Guy. Because I thought it was hilarious, I got a "Do you think it'd be funny if your mother was dead?" lecture.
Phew, Scott is safe and back to the couch by Ryan.
Every time I see a Fringe commercial, I think it looks cool, but then I watch it and I am proved wrong. Happens every time and I never learn!
Stevie Wonder sings a medley of songs while Adam sways beautifully in the darkness and Arm Tattoo and Allison hold hands. I hope her ink doesn’t rub off on innocent little Allison. I like that girl. She’s like the daughter Kelly Clarkson and I should have. Anoop and Gokey dance like idiots. I want to punch them both. I’ll punch Anoop very softly though.
God, this medley won’t end!!
And finally it ends! But it was so long, I forgot which show I was watching.
Michael is out and has to sing and beg about how he’s not too proud to beg. Oh irony, I love you so. If I was on this show, I’d sing a song about goodbyes and leaving every single week just to have a moment like this. Also, ‘A Moment Like This’.
When he’s done singing, the judges haven’t decided his fate yet, and Ryan’s like, “Hurry up. We have two minutes. Let’s go. Quit messing around.”
So they say no. Then Carrie Underwood’s singing about how he’s going home, sweet, home. She has a lovely voice. I want to cradle it in my arms and make out with it. That might be a weird thing to say, but sometimes the truth is weird. And sometimes Michael Sarvers just aren’t good enough to win on this show.
See ya next week!!
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